To people that didn't know my son he was a free spirit, a young man that loved life

and he loved people, He did not like the life he was leading. He was doing what he did to

get by in life, I did not approve of some of his choices in life, and because of those pats and my relationship

suffered because of it. For many years it went on like this, do I regret it, Of course I do, I just wanted him 

to drop all the bullshit and drug dealing and do like the rest of us and get a job, face whatever charges he had

against him and move forward with his life. About 4 months before his passing my wish came true. He came to me 

and told me he was done with all the crackers and losers that call him 4 times a day, and he would stand there

and see a small child walking around this place and look like the diaper hadn't been changed in days, 

he told me he couldn't do it anymore it was making him sick to stomach and he was getting angry at some 

of his customers. and he thought he might do something to these people, that would just further his troubles.

So, I believed him and seen a big change in him in the last few months of his life, his attitude and his outlook were improving, and we were finally having real father son talks, then one day he was gone. In the days that followed that day 

are indescribable I have no words to tell any of you what that felt like to finally to get a chance to have a real relationship 

with him, (and BANG the rage was back but different} and this piece of shit low life (and my name will be the last name he hears on this earth, already taken care of) took my son's life over a chain, a silver chain. 

And so, I had some time to reflect on a lot of things, from where I came out of and I will tell you this it is the deepest darkest hole where rage and evil are born and thrive, but funny thing is, that I was already there years before and crawled out then and I crawled out now. so in a sense I have been reborn twice but this time was different I had a rage, but it was a good kind, clear and sensible, and out of all my wrong doings in my life, losing my son, and hurting people that didn't deserve it , I in a sense feel like a giant walking this earth and words and thoughts about me, that they think will hurt me or discourage me, sorry your shooting rubber bullets. They may sting for a second or two but you're wasting your breath. I knew my son well enough that he was like that, he wasn't afraid of too much in this world.

So I believe with his passing I learnt or somehow, he gave the courage to face a lot of demons and the fear of failing at things, I always wanted to do, to put it simply we know this but very few of us follow through with it.

You have one life so do what make you happy, or what you love,

and ignore all those people that say you can't do it or you'll never make it!

Songs I wrote for Him, about him, or me and my thoughts about him and his passing, there will be more in the future.

I have given this song a lot of thought for some time now I was never going to release this one 

But after thinking how my son Patrick and my two step kids Jessica and Andrew

They grew up and with a man that I was, before they were born.

well to put it simply I'm proud of them all that they never even came close 

to the person I was !

The song below is a part of my life I am not proud of in any shape or form

But I truly believe you need to know the type of man I was 

It is about 4 minutes of my first time sinking into the place I mentioned above

and yes, I crawled out of it. And these 3 kids kept me out of it they gave me a purpose in my 

life. I am forever grateful for them even that I know it wasn't no picnic growing up with me. 

Below are the lyrics to song and audio and download below that

Verse 1] I was a Small town kid, I was lean I was tall

Life seemed hard , for most it wasn't at all

But every day after school, they waited for me I knew it was coming,

afraid , alone, a walking stone

I was Picked on, pushed 'round, day after day

I was Just trying' to survive, do your worst, come what may

[Verse 2] Years rolled on, anger, hatred, then evil took flight Hated those days and them fuckers,

planned their demise night after night Started hating myself,

consumed with everything that wasn't right,

I learn to defend.............FUCK IT............ I learned how to fight

and this fucken world, wasn't meant for me, too evil even for the dark,

my childhood filled with torment, pain, and a message to all; I'm gasoline, throw the spark

[Chorus] Oh, the fire took hold, The anger started, way down deep

A promise to myself, never again, a promise, I plan to fucken keep

This isn't no song, or poem, It's the start of a battle cry

broken soul beneath a rage that burns, at the end you'll know why

[Verse 3] Liquor, drugs, and money, this was the life, or so I believed

More I broke arms and legs, the more money received

I became numb, no pain, turning into a monster, but sinking fast

I couldn't justify myself, this evil couldn't last 

[Verse 4] A young man with a killer's rage, my anger was all I could hold,

I needed a release, something deep dark and cold

This is a true story, about a true nightmare that started to unfold Met demons on Harley's,

They introduced me to money, drugs, and a wicked evil game

A collector, Hell on wheels, a total monster with a bat, either pay what you owe, or

I'll explain the rules of the game

broken legs, broken arms, most of them ended up the same

[Bridge] Oh, the fire took hold, The anger started, way down deep

A promise to myself, never again, a promise, I plan to fucken keep

This isn't no song, or poem, It's the start of a battle cry broken soul beneath a rage that burns, too high

So, you see, what was done to me, long ago I turned into something, dying inside, my death seemed too slow

I needed to get out, but it's not that easy, when you have sold your soul

[Outro]) Now I'm older and I look back, at all the terrible things I did, maybe a frustrated and confused kid, you weren't worried or scared, sure of yourself until you met me, the devil himself ...FUCK....SNAP...